The Joy You Make: Find the Silver Linings Even on Your Darkest Days
By Steven Petrow
Viking Press 2024
In the vein of a mindset since The Power of Positive Thinking decades ago, this book takes the concept to a new level. It addresses both the psychological and physical aspects of Joy. He distinguishes this state as different than happiness, which he considers more momentary and superficial. His example: Happiness is like a sugary Twinkle, with Joy more like a whole wheat muffin. We cannot always be happy, but we can experience joy even in the middle of hardships.
The book was written in the middle of a series of personal hardships that challenged the author to deal with depression and grief. He says that you only need to look for joy to find it. Joy is not only around us, but within us. Joy is a conscious choice to respond to our circumstances in a positive and fulfilling way. We may not be able to change our circumstances, but we can change how we respond.
There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects the light. Simply being open to gratitude likely helps us to feel joy. Anyone can feel more grateful, which paves a path to joy. Joy may be the perception that life is going well and is being lived well.
Authentic people have deeper and more meaningful relationships with others. That has been described as the core values (enjoyment, achievement, maturity, self-direction, social ability, conformity, and security. Our memories of joy still live inside us; the practice is to touch on them again. For many of us, there Is a consistency to good memories: a sense of connection to specific people, places, activities, and times.
The joy of togetherness is to belong, to be cared for, and reciprocate that caring, to know that I am home. It is a willingness to extend our identity to a group of people or to an experience. Often described as “finding our tribe,” in what communities do you share your identities, which ones do you already belong, which ones might I find joy in joining? Find out how to expand your connections.
Change your perspective to change your life. You can choose to adopt joy as an attitude to help you really transcend your circumstances. Kindness is contagious, and it can cascade across people, taking on new forms along the way. If you want joy, give joy to others; if you want love, give love to others; if you want attention, give attention to others. When we help others, our brains secrete feel good chemicals thus creating a sense of connection with others.
Just thinking and feeling older can make us older than our years. Inner acceptance of aging leads to less anger and anxiety and greater calmness and serenity. Recognizing my age allows me to look at things from a different perspective. It inspires me to fill my days with joyful activities. Random events puncture lives all the time. Sometimes they bring joy, and sometimes they bring pain. Certainty can be comforting, but also boring. We all have a storyline, and as we age, we want to know the end of the storyline.
The author concluded with his experiences: I found joy every day, I found more joy when I sought it out; I found the greatest joy of all when I looked within.
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